Where you lead I will follow. So much easier said than done right? Right. It’s a scary thing to commit to following wherever He takes us no matter what. Terrifying actually. Because what if it has nothing to do with the dreams and visions we have for ourselves? For our future? For our family?
I want to share something with you that is really scary for me. Scary because although I feel such a peace about this big decision we’ve made for our family, there are still days when I have my doubts. Days when I don’t think I’m cut out to do it. Days when I don’t think I’ll have the patience or I’ll completely regret my decision all together.
Besides running my photography business, I’ve jumped around from project to project over the past few years. From writing a blog with a friend, to fitness coaching, to actually beginning the planning stages of opening a coffee shop (HA!)…to a million other ideas that I had in the works. But since this past August, when I quit coaching because I felt I was being called out of it (even though it was something I loved), I really felt that the Lord was strongly telling me to wait on Him. To take nothing else on over the next 6 months except for the remaining shoots I had booked. This was hard you guys. Especially when you’re a dreamer and a planner like me. I’m constantly dreaming up new goals and business ideas I want to pursue. I’m a creative, and an entrepreneur at heart. It’s HARD for me to sit still. But while I’ve been working at de-cluttering and minimizing our home, I felt so strongly that we were also to start getting rid of the clutter in our lives, the busyness of our calendar, the over-committing to things that weren’t important or weren’t lining up with where He wanted us to be as a family. I felt I was being called to really just pause and seek what He had in store for me next. And see, what I thought was coming, was totally not what God had coming. I thought He wanted me to take a time out because He was preparing me for this huge business opportunity that was going to present itself any day now. I was anxiously looking out for anything that I thought might be a sign of what I was supposed to jump into next. While a couple ideas and collaborating opportunities came up, each one slowly fizzled out and I continued to
patiently not so patiently wait. It was a hard season for me and my closest friends and family all know this. It was so hard for me to just be. But at the same time, it was the absolute best thing and now I know, the most God-orchestrated thing ever. I spent more time reading, listening to podcasts, more intentional time with my kids, my family and friends. With a push from my best friend, I started to attend our weekly woman’s bible study at church while the twins are in pre-school – time that I normally spent “getting things done”.
Right before Christmas, I stumbled upon a quote by Andy Stanley that said “Your greatest accomplishment may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” I remember smiling to myself and thinking…aw that’s nice. While raising my children is so important to me, it surely wouldn’t be my biggest accomplishment. I had SO many big business ideas and I was waiting on God to tell me which one to go after so I could get moving and start making things happen again. It was around this time (before and around the Christmas holidays) that there began to be talk of registering the kids in school for next year. All my friends with kids the same age were talking about it, taking tours and filling out registration forms. I started to feel really anxious as we were currently trying to decide between 3 different school options and I didn’t feel a peace about any of them. While homeschooling had crossed my mind in the past, (after all, I was homeschooled growing up and a few of my close friends have been considering it for a while) it sure wasn’t at the forefront of my mind. Especially with a new babe on the way, arriving right before the school year begins. I was picturing my life with so much free time to be able to work on new projects while the twins were in full-day school and my newborn napped.
But that quote I read at the end of the year continued to stick in my head. I saw it pop up a few more times and I still had no idea why. “Your greatest accomplishment may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” Ah.
At a play date with our best friends one afternoon in early January, Britt and I got chatting about school options for next year and she was telling me she was still very much considering home-schooling. Hmmm homeschooling. This was the first time I really thought about it in a long time. While we had casually chatted about it in the past, I intently listened to her tell me about the reasons they were strongly considering it and I remember leaving that day feeling a bigger peace about this crazy idea of homeschooling then any of the other school options we had. But no, that was crazy. I still didn’t believe it was the right thing for us. But of course, I got home and couldn’t get it out of my mind. I started to look up other homeschooling mama’s on instagram, started reading homeschooling blogs and listening to homeschooling podcasts. I did a lot of research over the next couple weeks while having lengthy discussions with my husband and praying about it too. Of course I began to run into more moms who homeschooled or were considering homeschooling for next year…coincidentally or maybe God was strategically putting them in my path…who knows! Some other crazy things fell into place around that time as well…like Ron getting a promotion at work, meaning my monthly income can be a little more flexible.
SO. You guessed it. With a lot of careful consideration and prayer over the past month, we’ve made the decision to homeschool next year. And as I said above, the idea still scares me. I’m definitely more excited then scared but on the days when I want to pull my hair out now, I think Lord what are you asking me to do?!?! But I’m trusting that since He’s placed this desire on my heart and made it clear in so many ways, that He will be my strength when I don’t think I have it in me. I’m trusting that this is the right decision for our family even when it feels like it’s not. Who know’s what else He has in store for me in the months and years to come but I know without a doubt now why I was supposed to wait and not start anything else. It was definitely not what was on my own agenda but I am choosing to follow where He is leading and put my desires and dreams on hold to pursue what I feel He is calling me to at this time. I will continue to run my photography business but will take minimal bookings. We don’t know how long we will do it. Maybe just kindergarten or maybe all the way through elementary school but we’ll take it one day at a time, one month at a time, one year at a time. I am going to share some of the reason’s I have come to feel so passionately about homeschooling in a second post because I didn’t realize how long this would get! But I’m excited to share this journey with you so thanks for reading and following a long!
p.s. how cute is this shirt by Rosalynne Love as a constant reminder of all of this?! You can check out more of her awesome products here!