the importance of goal setting as a couple

When I shared on Instagram a few days ago, that Ron and I sat down (with a platter of nachos ;)) to touch base and make a 2019 plan together for our family, I received so many questions and people asking me to share more. So I thought it would be fun if I explained how we do this while also giving you some tips and pointers on how to get started if you don’t already do something similar with your partner/spouse.  

We’ve been doing this every few months on a smaller scale for a while now and its honestly been a game changer for our relationship but also for actually evaluating progress and getting things done.  It’s easy to make lists and write down big goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them. Anyone can do that.  But to actually follow through and cross things off, we’ve discovered from experience that in a marriage relationship, (and even more so when you have a young family) you’re MUCH more successful when you goal write and chase those goals together. You have to get on the same page, come along side each other and cheer each other on. You have to really make effort to understand and appreciate each others personal goals and dreams and adapt them as your own. Then figure out a game plan together.  

Establishing family values and writing a mission statement – If you’re new to this whole idea, I feel you really need to start with establishing family values and writing a family mission statement together.  It’s so important to decide together what is important to both of you, the type of atmosphere you want to create in your home and what you want to focus on as a family, long term but also a more narrow focus this coming year. So from the list of values here, we each circled the 6 things that we valued most. We then took some time to share with each other why we value the things we chose. (For us, there was some overlap and likely would be for you as well!).  We then narrowed it down to 8 words together and used those words to create a mission statement.

A simple example of a mission statement (the bold words are values) would be something like: 

In our family, we will show respect to all, be thankful daily, and make effort to always think positively. We will give of ourselves and prioritize our health  while seeking adventure. We will show kindness and support each other always. 

 And then when sharing goals and deciding what we were going to work on and chase after as a couple and family, we referred back to our list of values and mission statement to make sure it all aligned. Make sense?  I’ve created a PDF template you can get here to help guide you through the process and below I’m sharing tips on how to have a successful goal writing date!

Make it Fun – when we first started to do these, Ron was a little sceptical. I mean, most guys probably don’t want to sit down for 3 hours and talk about life goals and make lists together. I get it.  Not their idea of a fun date night? But (and I checked with him to make sure) if you pulled Ron aside today and asked him what he thought, he would say how much he enjoyed this time we set aside to plan together. You have to make. it. fun! If you can get a sitter,  go out to your favourite restaurant, notebooks and planners in tow and order apps and drinks. Go to a fun coffee shop. Or we like to have date nights in and make sushi or a giant plate of nachos. And once you begin to see how good it feels to be on the same page and work together on goals, it will become something you will both look forward to. I promise!!!

Narrow the focus for 2019 –  I’ve heard a lot of people doing a “word” of the year for their family and I always thought this was a cool idea. But we didn’t actually come up with one intentionally until this year. I love this because once you have agreed on values and a mission statement as a long term plan of things to work towards as a family, a single word will help you to focus on something specific for the coming year. Some examples might be: Content, Grow, Rest, Encourage, Gratitude, Minimize, Learn,…  you get the picture. 

Spend some time prior to make a list of your own personal goals, priorities and dreams – This is the whole point. See, our personal needs, wants, goals and dreams change and evolve as time goes on. So something I may have been passionate about 8 months ago, might not be a top priority for me anymore and thats ok but if we’re not consistently checking in with each other, Ron might never know that and I might not think to share that with him.  It’s so easy, especially in the busy season of raising kids, to become unaware of where the other person is at without realizing it. So a list of what you are hoping to achieve this year – personally, as a family and as a couple is what you will bring to the table. Categories that may help organize your goals would be financial, health and fitness, business, spiritual, family, marriage, parenting and personal.  And then you will share and chat together about how you can make those things happen! 

Be open to adjusting/compromising – It’s so important to have an open mind regarding the possibility of adjusting a goal or priority prior to your chat.  Before our most recent chat, there was an opportunity I was seriously looking at pursuing. I was excited about it and ready to jump in but I knew that it was important that I discuss it in depth with Ron, that we pray together about it and weigh out the pro’s and con’s for our family. Although a large part of me was hoping we would come to the conclusion that I should go ahead with it, I also had to be prepared to decline or at least put it on hold for the time being if that’s what we concluded. And for that particular opportunity, based on our family values and mission statement, we did decide together that it wasn’t the right time for me to go ahead and pursue it. Ron’s opinion is very important to me and if something doesn’t sit well with him, then it doesn’t sit well with me. 

It’s ok to circle back to something later – If something you’re talking about is causing a point of contention, something you just can’t agree to work together on, move on and go back to it later. We don’t always see eye to eye on everything and that’s ok. Maybe you each just need more time to think/pray on it separately. Take a break from that topic and revisit it at a later date. 

Creating action steps together and putting it on the calendar – This is key to supporting each other and making things happen. One example for us, is that Ron has been wanting to start a podcast since last spring. He has slowly been working on content, jotting down ideas here and there but his goal was to launch in September and it’s now January. So why didn’t he start? Because we didn’t have a plan in place together. He works long days, I’m home with the kid’s all day. He comes in the door and jumps right into helping me with whatever I need while we do supper, baths, bedtime and then we’re both just exhausted after the kids are finally in bed. He hadn’t set aside any purposeful time to work on the podcast so it just wasn’t happening. In our chat this week though, we discovered that he is still very passionate about making it happen and so we now have it on the calendar that a certain evening each week,  I will do bedtime and after supper, he will head downstairs to plan/record his podcast. With that specific time dedicated to it now, we’re going to make this happen. Together. Team work. Get it?! And we did this with each goal that we worked through. Purchasing a larger vehicle was a priority on both of our goal lists, so we discussed how we will budget accordingly, decided on the amount of $$ we’ll put aside each month etc., to meet that goal by the time we agreed on. Prioritizing our health and fitness is one more goal I’ll share that we both had written down ahead of time so deciding together when I’ll get my runs in, when Ron will hit the gym etc., is something we had to decide together and now we can support each other and cheer each other on to reach those personal goals. If a goal is to spend more 1:1 time with each other or each of your kids, plan how you will do that – put date nights in the calendar, book the sitters ahead of time. A goal without action steps won’t happen so this part is crucial for setting your family up for success. 

So you see how getting on the same page and coming up with a plan together can be so effective?!? I’m hoping we can get as many couples on board with this for the month of January so please share this post and when you sit down to make a plan on how you’re going to goal chase together, story a photo and tag us so we can cheer you on! 

Thanks so much for reading you guys! Have fun! 

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7 Years.

This guy. 7 years married. He’s my biggest cheerleader and the best friend I could ever ask for. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve grown, we’ve failed, we’ve learned…A LOT. He’s my rock and I’m so stoked to do a whole bunch more years with him by my side. <3 Ron and i

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