My pregnancy with the twins (strangely enough) was a breeze. I kept waiting for the dreaded pregnancy symptoms and they never showed up. I absolutely loved being pregnant during first and second trimester. My skin was the softest and clearest it had ever been, my hair was amazing… I had so much energy. I never experienced morning sickness and other then not being able to drink coffee for a few weeks, I didn’t have many aversions either. I guess I was one of those “lucky people” that round and so I totally assumed it would be the same for me again. Boy, was I wrong. I’m starting to think God let me off super easy the first time because He knew what was ahead for me. Or maybe it’s a girl this time?! Thoughts?! Who knows.

All that to say, this pregnancy has been ROUGH you guys. I’m talking being awake for 3 hours in the morning, doing one errand with the twins and feeling like I ran a marathon. I just want to nap constantly (not a near possibility with two very active 3 year olds), I feel nauseous constantly and I’ve had a few cases of the worst heartburn I’ve ever experienced.  Not to mention I’ve had aversions to literally everything healthy (couldn’t even think of stomaching raw veggies or a salad for a number of weeks there). Give me all the white carbs please …pasta, french fries, bagels (ugh!) is pretty much all I’ve wanted to eat…not like me at all! Oh and SWEETS! Everything sweet! eeeeek! First trimester of this pregnancy has not been good to me friends, but I guess it was about time I experienced what most women do huh?

Oh and another thing to mention about your second, third, fourth pregnancies. It’s no joke when they say your bump pops SO early after you’ve already had kids! I was horrified to see how big I was one morning at just around 8 weeks along.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to hide it and alternated between my two baggiest sweaters for the next 3 weeks. We announced at 10 and half weeks because I was feeling so self conscious about my expanding body. Ok ok, also because we were super excited and couldn’t keep it to ourselves any longer! But mostly the first.

While it’s been a rough start, I really, truly couldn’t be more grateful and thankful to Jesus for this amazing life growing inside of me. I shared about our miscarriage a year and half ago. It was a very difficult thing to experience. You just never think it will happen to you, at least I didn’t, until I realized how common it really is. I guess because I carried two healthy baby boys to term, I figured my body could easily do it again. I was nearly 8 weeks along when it happened and it was the hardest thing. We didn’t try again for a whole year and half. I just didn’t feel ready and there was a period where we really questioned whether we wanted to have any more or not. I was also scared. Scared it would happen again. Scared to experience the heartache all over again. But this past fall, after several long discussions and a lot prayer, Ron and I decided we were ready to start trying. There was a message that spoke to my heart deeply at church back in the Spring. It reminded that my children are not really mine, they are His. He has given me such an important responsibility and the biggest honour of being their mom…being able to love them, nurture them, and raise them. But they are ultimately His. While this wasn’t a new concept for me, (we did dedicate the twins to the Lord a few months after they were born) it was just the reminder I needed. It truly is hard to come to terms with the fact that my babies aren’t all mine when I think about it.  But at the same time, it’s so freeing and it was key for me in placing my trust in His plans for each of my children’s lives, even any future children that weren’t born yet. It wasn’t long after that I began to feel a real peace about growing our family again.

This sweet gift growing inside me has been covered in prayer from the very start of it’s being. There were many nights those first weeks when Ron and I laid hands on my belly praying for this rainbow babe and thanking Jesus for it. We still do.  So, here we are, almost through first trimester.  There are still days when fear grabs ahold of me but I just keep giving it back to Him, trusting that He is in control and His plans are good. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 

Love that verse.

I’m looking forward to second trimester, hoping that I gain even a little bit of energy back and can eat a good salad again! I’ve started to excercise in the mornings again (I just had no energy to the past 4 weeks or so). Just walking for now but hope to get back into running soon and a low impact workout routine. The twins are so super excited. They kiss and hug my belly every morning and night before they go to sleep and they keep asking me if it’s ready to come out yet? Sorry boys, it’s gonna be a longgg wait. haha!

Thanks so much for reading you guys.